Friday, January 30, 2009
Spending my Friday night...
...watching Sex and The City drinking Diet Coke is a reeeally nice way to spend my night. Sometimes I love dating myself.
Hellooo Adulthood...
My life now consists of work/school or work/work. I now have no free time, and it's a little icky, but makes me feel good. The harder I work now, the sooner I'll get to work less and play even harder being that I'll be rolling in lots of money.
It's a really heavy schedule...you know, two jobs and school full-time, but I think it's something I have to do. I've proven I can't change as much as I said I would and thought I could, and this is what I have to do. Grow-up. I gotta think like an adult so I start acting like one. My passing out in my car is very irresponsible and trashy, and not Jackie-O.
It's really sad being this person. Like I always say "People don't change." Or "People can't change." and I hate being that person who can't change, because I'm so much better than that. I can change,
I could look at it as that maybe I am not ready for adulthood and marriage, and I can just keep partying hard and keep relationships brief and shallow, or I can look at is as I really need to want to want the change. And I want it. I do want marriage and to travel, but I can't change for those specific reasons. I need to change for myself, and my desires for that self. If that makes sense.
If I change just for those reasons, it's a fake change. I know I have it in me because I want nothing more, and my heart doesn't belong in party mode because that person isn't me. I wake up the next day puzzled at my behavior because it's like I lead a double life. It's a really weird feeling.
Anyway, I'm setting my priorities, and they're now in full-swing, and if I can hang with it, I'm ready for all I want to take on. Feels pretty good. I'm like 10 steps ahead of a lot of people. I'm going to see all that I want in the world and have it too. I'm not just saying it, I'm actually acting on it. Woo.
It's a really heavy schedule...you know, two jobs and school full-time, but I think it's something I have to do. I've proven I can't change as much as I said I would and thought I could, and this is what I have to do. Grow-up. I gotta think like an adult so I start acting like one. My passing out in my car is very irresponsible and trashy, and not Jackie-O.
It's really sad being this person. Like I always say "People don't change." Or "People can't change." and I hate being that person who can't change, because I'm so much better than that. I can change,
I could look at it as that maybe I am not ready for adulthood and marriage, and I can just keep partying hard and keep relationships brief and shallow, or I can look at is as I really need to want to want the change. And I want it. I do want marriage and to travel, but I can't change for those specific reasons. I need to change for myself, and my desires for that self. If that makes sense.
If I change just for those reasons, it's a fake change. I know I have it in me because I want nothing more, and my heart doesn't belong in party mode because that person isn't me. I wake up the next day puzzled at my behavior because it's like I lead a double life. It's a really weird feeling.
Anyway, I'm setting my priorities, and they're now in full-swing, and if I can hang with it, I'm ready for all I want to take on. Feels pretty good. I'm like 10 steps ahead of a lot of people. I'm going to see all that I want in the world and have it too. I'm not just saying it, I'm actually acting on it. Woo.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
Monday
-I don't remember what I did other than worked.
Tuesday
-Started my first official day at Trio. Pretty chill job. Easy, good money, and the days go by a lot more quickly than the days at Trade Secret. I really like my boss.
-Went to the mall when I got off work and bought myself a few pairs of pants. I deserved it.
-Went to Target and bought some stuff, including a fabulous clutch.
-Went to crash classes. Didn't go so well.
-Went to the gym?
Wednesday
-Worked.
-I crashed Lucas's art class, and got Bonnie to come with. I am SOO hyped on this class, you don't even know. I look forward to using color. I think it'll make me a better artist as far as hair and make-up go. Plus, I'd like to be more gifted as far as canvases go. I used to be able to draw very well, and I used to be creative. Now I lack patience, creativity, and skill. I am thrilled to get to search myself again and use it all.
-Bonnie and I went to dinner at Le Basil afterwards. I love Thai food. I love how fresh it is, and not greasy, and all the vegetables used. You don't feel fat afterwards.
-Went home.
Thursday
-Worked. Not so good of a day as other days. I decided I was uncomfortable and missed J.Russell a lot. It was just a little bad mood. I'm over it now.
-Went home to nap before a lonnng class. So I squeezed in a 15 minute nap, but then had to pick up Bonnie and venture over there. We are now in Psychology of Women. I thought it was gonna be about the actual psychology of women, but it is sounding like a big lesbian class where we learn about feminism, which I don't really give a shit about, but whatever. I need the credits, and there's no harm in learning. I now have Art, general psychology, and that class. It goes til 9:50, which is pretty painful, after a full's day work. Same with art, but I look forward to being creative being that I have an eye for color and beauty.
-Picked up Jackie and we went to eat since we got out early, when we should have gone to the gym.
Friday
-Worked. I had an excellent day. I decided to just BE COMFORTABLE. I reminded myself of what a great environment I was in, and how God surely had to have directed me there.
-Dashed home, changed, and went to work at Ciro's. I felt nauseated all evening, which didn't make for a pleasant working experience. I got to leave the restaurant a lot for deliveries though, and that was fabulous.
-Now I am at home, and I need to do some homework. Farewell to my free life.
-I don't remember what I did other than worked.
Tuesday
-Started my first official day at Trio. Pretty chill job. Easy, good money, and the days go by a lot more quickly than the days at Trade Secret. I really like my boss.
-Went to the mall when I got off work and bought myself a few pairs of pants. I deserved it.
-Went to Target and bought some stuff, including a fabulous clutch.
-Went to crash classes. Didn't go so well.
-Went to the gym?
Wednesday
-Worked.
-I crashed Lucas's art class, and got Bonnie to come with. I am SOO hyped on this class, you don't even know. I look forward to using color. I think it'll make me a better artist as far as hair and make-up go. Plus, I'd like to be more gifted as far as canvases go. I used to be able to draw very well, and I used to be creative. Now I lack patience, creativity, and skill. I am thrilled to get to search myself again and use it all.
-Bonnie and I went to dinner at Le Basil afterwards. I love Thai food. I love how fresh it is, and not greasy, and all the vegetables used. You don't feel fat afterwards.
-Went home.
Thursday
-Worked. Not so good of a day as other days. I decided I was uncomfortable and missed J.Russell a lot. It was just a little bad mood. I'm over it now.
-Went home to nap before a lonnng class. So I squeezed in a 15 minute nap, but then had to pick up Bonnie and venture over there. We are now in Psychology of Women. I thought it was gonna be about the actual psychology of women, but it is sounding like a big lesbian class where we learn about feminism, which I don't really give a shit about, but whatever. I need the credits, and there's no harm in learning. I now have Art, general psychology, and that class. It goes til 9:50, which is pretty painful, after a full's day work. Same with art, but I look forward to being creative being that I have an eye for color and beauty.
-Picked up Jackie and we went to eat since we got out early, when we should have gone to the gym.
Friday
-Worked. I had an excellent day. I decided to just BE COMFORTABLE. I reminded myself of what a great environment I was in, and how God surely had to have directed me there.
-Dashed home, changed, and went to work at Ciro's. I felt nauseated all evening, which didn't make for a pleasant working experience. I got to leave the restaurant a lot for deliveries though, and that was fabulous.
-Now I am at home, and I need to do some homework. Farewell to my free life.
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