Our anniversary has been on my mind and in my heart. Today, the 20th, marks the year of when we first saw each other as a couple type. Today marks the year of when we first kissed, we first laid together, first watched a movie together, first loved on each other, first cuddled, first fell asleep together. Today marks the year someone held me unlike anybody had ever held me because I'd never melted into somebody with this peace and love that I had for Benjamin David Moran.
I feel so touched by the memory because the build up of my trip to San Jose was so intense, and unlike anything I'd ever felt before. We could not even wait to see each other. We were counting hours til he would get to pick me up from the airport and give me my first kiss. The nerves I had that day were crazy. When I landed, my legs were so shaky, I could hardly walk and was sure I couldn't go through with it. I was sooo nervous about seeing him and staying with him and being alone with him, though I'd been dying to. The butterflies were going, and it was just a craaaazy feeling. Every bit of it!
That day before I got there, I was at work and all I could think about was how the next day I was going to see the love of my life. It was the talk of the salon, and all on my brain. I couldn't wait to get off work and go home to pack so I could head out to my sister's in Fontana. She was going to take me to the airport in the AM and was as nervous as I was. We giggled about how exciting it was for me to get to kiss him for the first time because we both knew it would be a kiss like no other kiss, and an even cooler kiss since it was going to be in an airport-- like a movie.
And going to bed that night before was next to impossible. We talked til like 3 AM, and would say how many hours we had left til he'd see me. It was the best feeling in the entire world. I walked on a cloud. I really did.
And when I landed, I let my sister know I did, and that I couldn't do it. I couldn't see him. I was too nervous and wanted to call Liz so she could get me. But before I knew it, I was walking and I looked up, and he was there. I'm pretty sure I squeeled like a little girl and we hugged and went to get my luggage, and it was there that we kissed for the first time. And walked with our arms linked to the truck. And it was there that he gave me the ticket to the airport parking building and told me to put it in our scrapbook. He then stole kisses from me as we drove to the animal shelter to look at puppies, and went to Santa Cruise and walked around. Then we went back to his place and I met his mom and we watched a movie and ate pizza and cuddled and kissed all day long. And in that bed is where I wanted to stay. Just there because it was there I felt warm and safe and where I belonged, like I finally made it home.
We went to Liz's that night, and stayed there. He left in the morning after the best sleep of my entire life (because I was in his arms), and I was sooo happy to be with Liz but so sad he wasn't with me. We texted each other all evening, and talked before bed and our conversation was so lovey dovey her roomies hated me, and then he picked me up the next day after he went to church. I was soo happy that he was getting me, even with his hair all spiked like the raging bro he was. We talked all the way home, and it was the best, as usual. We spent the rest of the day cuddling and kissing, and then his best friend Kris came over and we watched a movie. He knelt beside me that night and told me what I meant to him. And held me through the night.
The day I left, he took me to Santana Row and we walked around and ate at the sushi place Kris worked at. We had a shot of Sake and ate some good food. We went to a tattoo place that day, then went back to his place where I only had a couple hours left with him. I was soo sad and so quiet. I cried when we got to the airport, and cried even harder after he watched me walk through security, and left. I cried, and cried, and called Bonnie, then he called and asked if I was sad because he was sad, and I cried. I cried on the plane, and was so sad when my sister picked me up. We ate dinner and talked about my trip.
I drove home from her place that night soo sad not knowing when I'd be seeing him next. I listened to Lykke Li all the way home, crying, of course.
It was a fabulous weekend. And today is the day that marks the year of that wonderful day that it all started. A God blessed year. Without a doubt. I feel so warm and so emotional thinking about it all. What a year, and what changes I've made, and what person I left behind to become the person I am now. Now everything I've done in the last year has had Ben on the brain. Hard to believe that he's been with me this long, and that the time has already passed.
And when I left, I left this written on paper for him.
We'll bathe in rose petals, red
And lie in violet lilac beds
And through the darkness of the night
We'll watch our future shining bright
And out of everyone I've met
It's you I can't forget
And there was a time my heart was aching
Yes there was the day I swore it was breaking
Under a lucky star our love was born brand new
And in the shadows of the night
I'll trace your silhouette in candlelight
And if you fall asleep when you rise
I'll be there to kiss your eyes
And now my heart is in your hand
So baby, understand
And there was a time my heart was aching
Yes there was the day I swore it was breaking
Under a lucky star our love was born brand new
So don't cry, Angel
I will stay the whole night through
Forevermore, I'll be loving you
And there was a time my heart was aching
Yes there was the day I swore it was breaking
Under a lucky star our love was born brand new
So don't cry, Angel
I will stay the whole night through
Forevermore, I'll be loving you
Forevermore, I'll be loving you
