My bones no longer ache at the thought the of your name. I can make your name ring in my head and my mind and body remains calm. Steady. Just regular. The same as when I say a friend's name. I don't get angry. I don't fill myself with regret. I don't feel anything. I am me. I don't think about you before I go to sleep, and I don't think about you when I wake up.
After years, I am finally free. A far more consistent free. I'd been liberated before, but a more unstable liberation. This is the real thing. I know it in my heart. Finally. My heart doesn't speed up, or slow down. It beats as it should. With it's movement, I know. I am sure.
You gave me closure. I thought it may be the start of a new chapter, and a dreaded one at that. Thank God it was just something to free me of a sick and ugly cycle.
I'm no masochist, and I won't ever be like one again. I won't ever be a coward again either.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thursday
-Got ready to go to Ontario's David's Bridal. We know too many people in this desert that we didn't want to go to the one out here and have the day of picking Desiree's wedding dress ruined. We've planned and dreamed this day as children that it had to go perfect.
-Picked Desiree up and Alvaro watched Nico and we ventured to the store. Just getting there made me cry. It was so exciting. I just thought of how as little girls we have talked about our dresses, and we used to always buy Bride's magazine, and we even had a subscription to Bride's magazine to get ideas of our dream dress. And there we were..years later actually picking her dress. Moments like that make me soo happy I have sisters and that I got to grow up with one.
-Got in there and picked some dresses. I picked most of them, even the ones I wanted to call dibs on. The first one she put on ended up being THE dress. It was so gorgeous. The dress, the veil, the tiara. Aww.
-Tess and I tried on some stuff. She found her flower-girl dress. It has beading like Des's and a mini train. I found my maybe dress, but if they have beading and a train, I want beading and a train too. Desiree already said I could have a train, so I am not going back!! Plus, this is like my last time to get prom-like ready that I'm taking advantage.
-Went to have lunch then took Desiree home. We visited with Nicholas and Al but had to leave so I could get to class.
-Changed really quickly, went to the salon to check messages, then went to class. 3 hours is a long time.
-Went to the gym.
Productive day. My thighs are on fiiiire.
-Picked Desiree up and Alvaro watched Nico and we ventured to the store. Just getting there made me cry. It was so exciting. I just thought of how as little girls we have talked about our dresses, and we used to always buy Bride's magazine, and we even had a subscription to Bride's magazine to get ideas of our dream dress. And there we were..years later actually picking her dress. Moments like that make me soo happy I have sisters and that I got to grow up with one.
-Got in there and picked some dresses. I picked most of them, even the ones I wanted to call dibs on. The first one she put on ended up being THE dress. It was so gorgeous. The dress, the veil, the tiara. Aww.
-Tess and I tried on some stuff. She found her flower-girl dress. It has beading like Des's and a mini train. I found my maybe dress, but if they have beading and a train, I want beading and a train too. Desiree already said I could have a train, so I am not going back!! Plus, this is like my last time to get prom-like ready that I'm taking advantage.
-Went to have lunch then took Desiree home. We visited with Nicholas and Al but had to leave so I could get to class.
-Changed really quickly, went to the salon to check messages, then went to class. 3 hours is a long time.
-Went to the gym.
Productive day. My thighs are on fiiiire.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
