Sunday

-Got ready for like 35 hours. I barely wore any make-up, so I really don't know why it took so long. I do know I hate that though. I mean, why do I take so damn long?
-I had lunch with my mom, sisters, brother-in-law, and nephew. Alvaro reeeally likes to start arguments with me. It drives me nuts. I may not have a bad temper, but I will be quick to snap at an attempt to push my buttons.
-I hung out with Bonnie. We talked. I'm far too much of a typical, insecure girl. I don't even know what to do with myself. But man, she always goes to show how much I need her. We went to the Indoor Swapmeet in Coachella. I saw baby turtles and bought ghetto ass jewelry... MY FAVORITE.
-Came home and hung out with the family some more.
-I have had THE MOST boring weekend imaginable. I should have just taken Andy to The Glasshouse tonight. But oh well.
-I think I'm gonna read my Bible now. I've got a major void eating away at me.

Song to Say Goodbye

Dear you,

I think it's time to let you know how I really feel...

You see, I can really get over things. I've done so before, and did so again, but what I can't get over is the nerve you have. I never was malicious towards you, or cruel. I wanted to give you everything, and showed you nothing but love, yet you have the nerve to continue to be rude to me when I never did anything to you. I try to be nice to you, though you're one of the people who doesn't deserve any respect, and you actually continue to spit in my face. You don't deserve anything I've given, or said to you with behavior like yours.
I don't know who you think you are, and who you think I am, that you have that right. You should be apologizing to me, and I should be spitting on you. For 8 months, you drug me along for your sick and twisted games, when I told you how I felt. And you didn't have the slightest ounce of good heart to stop. As long as youuu got yours, who gives a fuck about Lauren? She's just some dog with no feelings...
I just can't believe that you can't be cordial to me when I did NOTHING to you. And I had nothing but respect for you for the longest time. And all the things I told you, and all the nights I spent trying to make you feel some ounce of happiness, and nothing... No respect for me then, and no respect for me now.
I hate you. I really do. I hate you for making me trust you. I hate you for leading me on. I hate our old friendship, and I hate how that old friendship made me believe that you could be trusted. I hate you for all the memories I have (the good, and the bad). I hate you for turning me into such a stupid girl. I hate you for blinding me. I hate you for not treating me like the gold that I am, and making me think that maybe I wasn't, because I took our "friendship" to heart. And I hate you for making me hate people and lack any trust that I can't function normally in a relationship. And I hate you for all these pieces I broke into and was left to pick up, while your arrogant ass just laughs and pisses through life.
I wish I could take back all those nice things I'd tell you, and words of wisdom. And I can't. And I wish I listened to you when you'd tell me that I was too good for you. And you know why? Because I am. I would never treat you as you treated me, or anyone.
You KNEW how I felt, and you could have fucked all those other girls (that you did), and left me alone. You didn't NEED to do that to me. You didn't need to throw away our friendship. You didn't need to "persue things" with me. You didn't need to tell me what a beautiful person I am. Or how it hurt you to hear me suffering. You didn't need to tell me to be patient with you. You didn't need to talk to me alllll night and day and tell me all the things you did just to walk away in a cruel and heartless way showing no remorse. But I guess it's all the things you'll say to feel like you have all the control.
And you know what? You win. You were right. You're no good. I hope you're happy that the ONE person who defended you and saw how pure you could be hates you and thinks you're the worst thing that could have happened. Thanks for taking advantage of my vulnerability and using the heartache of my dog and family and stress and your humor to your own advantage. It's greatly appreciated.
And you know what is really sad? It's sad that I care enough for you as a human that I do hope you grow-up and follow through with things and figure out what it's like to respect people. And I hate knowing that I can count on you never wishing the same for me. And it's sad that I still hope that you'll prove me wrong after finally believing everything everyone said you are. And it must be because I still value you somewhere and all you taught me about how fucked up the world is. Now I'm able to watch myself. And one last thought... If you never cared, you shouldn't have pretended. If you didn't love me, you should have let me go.

Saturday

-I woke up at Bonnie's and took pictures with Clark, her pitbull. He's a beast.
-It was early and the whole house was asleep, except for Anthony, so I decided to go home, even though I was waaay hungover.
-I came home and talked to my mom and sister for a bit.
-I needed to be productive, so I decided to clean out my make-up case.
-My sister and I went to lunch/dinner at Chipotle. Bomb.
-Came home and cleaned two b
athrooms, and swept, and vacuumed.
-Andy and Liz came over to my house, and we watched Mean Girls and Cluless while I got ready. Andy was really good with the lines.
-I did my make-up, and Andy got jealous and put red lipstick on. He looked really pretty.
-We went to some show and took some shots and argued before going into the show.
-The house it was at smelled like sex, penis, and tortillas, so we peaced out and went to La Estancia.
-We didn't end up going in due to not being ghetto dancers, lack of and ID, and a flake friend.
-We did keep doing our deep talk, which was very vital.
-Now I am home.