My life now consists of work/school or work/work. I now have no free time, and it's a little icky, but makes me feel good. The harder I work now, the sooner I'll get to work less and play even harder being that I'll be rolling in lots of money.
It's a really heavy schedule...you know, two jobs and school full-time, but I think it's something I have to do. I've proven I can't change as much as I said I would and thought I could, and this is what I have to do. Grow-up. I gotta think like an adult so I start acting like one. My passing out in my car is very irresponsible and trashy, and not Jackie-O.
It's really sad being this person. Like I always say "People don't change." Or "People can't change." and I hate being that person who can't change, because I'm so much better than that. I can change,
I could look at it as that maybe I am not ready for adulthood and marriage, and I can just keep partying hard and keep relationships brief and shallow, or I can look at is as I really need to want to want the change. And I want it. I do want marriage and to travel, but I can't change for those specific reasons. I need to change for myself, and my desires for that self. If that makes sense.
If I change just for those reasons, it's a fake change. I know I have it in me because I want nothing more, and my heart doesn't belong in party mode because that person isn't me. I wake up the next day puzzled at my behavior because it's like I lead a double life. It's a really weird feeling.
Anyway, I'm setting my priorities, and they're now in full-swing, and if I can hang with it, I'm ready for all I want to take on. Feels pretty good. I'm like 10 steps ahead of a lot of people. I'm going to see all that I want in the world and have it too. I'm not just saying it, I'm actually acting on it. Woo.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment