Dear Someone Else,

I wish I could run to you and tell you all that is going on. I miss the comfort of your listening. You would say you didn't know what to say and wished you were as good as I was at "those things", but you were good. You listened and managed to make me feel ok. No, things weren't ok, but you did just as I wanted and gave compassion.

I don't know why I wish I could tell you, and feel like I need to tell you. I don't want you to think you are right, but maybe you are right. You were right about other people... And I hated that you were right, and am not quite sure why I told you you were the other night.

Anyway, I guess you were the one I ran to during the last family tragedies... You know, like when my sister first told us she was pregnant and my parents were enraged. I told you, because I didn't know who else to tell, and you were who I wanted to vent to. And when my heart was buried along with my dog, you were who I went to, and the only person who provided me comfort, and you made me laugh through my tears. You told me you wanted to make it better, and I knew you couldn't, but the fact that you hurt for me was what I needed. The compassion. And the, "If you want, I'll dress up as a bear and do a song and dance..."

I just want you to sit, and listen. I've said some crazy things, yet you still don't think I am crazy. Or maybe you do. But even if you do think I am, you don't act like it. I guess you're the person I've said some of the craziest things to that I have a comfort with you still like I don't have with anyone else. And in that comfort, I feel like you could make me feel better right now.

I miss that friendship sometimes. I hadn't in a long, long time, but as my heartbreaks, I'm thinking of better times. Or maybe just other times when things made more sense. More simple. Maybe.

You used to tell me everything, and it was nice having that. And I'd always tell you you were going to be ok, and give you the reasons why it would. I guess I just need you to listen and maybe say, "It's going to be ok."

With Love,
Lauren.

Dear ???,

You've given me everything my heart has desired while managing to give me absolutely nothing.

Yours Truly,
Lauren

Honestly

I'd rather be

dead
   [ded]
adjective, -er, -est, noun, adverb
–adjective
1. no longer living; deprived of life: dead people; dead flowers; dead animals.


I don't think I have ever felt heartbreak until now. I swore up and down I knew what it felt like to have my heart broken into millions of pieces, but this...

Nothing compares to this.

Nothing compares to this ache, this brokeness, this emptiness, this bed of lies.

My foundation isn't so solid anymore. My home isn't home. I'm done for. My hopes for life are out the window. My past means nothing. My life feels over.

I thought I knew death, but this is death. Right here. Our past. Our memories. Our travel. Our safety. Our bond.

We are dead.