I don't...

....want to face the day.

I'm having a really hard time with my worry for my grandma.

I never thought I'd care this much.

The way I feel right now leads me to have no idea what I'll do if she does go.

My grandma might be dying.


My mom told me this evening.

And you know what I said? I said, "Oh."


















Secretly, my heart skipped a beat and sunk into my stomach and fear flooded over me, but I have a hard time showing my family my feelings. My mom told me to call her cause she's scared and wants to hear from all of us in case she passes, and I don't intend to. I feel like I can't let her know I care. Once I do that, it'll be true that I do, and it'll make it harder.

I always wondered if I'd cry when my grandmother would pass on, and honestly, I'm in tears right now.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I admit feelings to my family? I can be truthful with everyone else, and I can even cry in front of people.

Maybe I think I have to be the strong one. Like someone to look to.

I guess I was the baby for so long that when I lost my place so abruptly, I felt as though I needed to grow up.

I don't know. I'm scared though. Her brother passed away suddenly with the same heart condition.

If you're reading this, pray. Pray for her. Pray for the family.