I thought...

I blew it. In fact, I know I blew it with someone who could have been really great.
I couldn't change.

At first, I was so sad by that fact that I lost out on someone great, but I'm happy I couldn't otherwise I wouldn't have been brought to him, and where I am now.

So much is opening up in my mind that every flawed relationship has created each detail in my spine that has stacked and made me stand straight, tall, and proud.

I'm happy. We both talked about how happy we are this evening. And I am happy he's happy.

For the first time, I'm in something that's not backwards. We're building some foundation. I've never really had this. We are moving forward, not doing some dance with sidesteps, or back steps. We move forward. We actually communicate too. In fact, we have great communication. And honesty. Such honesty.

I pray for him everyday. I pray for us too. No matter what kind of us it may be, I pray. I pray for him. I pray for myself. I pray for what we could become. I just pray.

I think I'm putting all my chips in.

I may get really hurt. REALLY hurt. But this is worth a shot-- you know, keeping myself involved. Not running before I find out what it could or couldn't be.

I'm so emotionally satisfied by our talking. It's because we're doing this right. I have no reason to feel empty.



This is how it feels...good. Safe. Healthy.