I never

saw myself as the one who needed to change. I never saw that I'd be the person to push people away because of bad habits.
It hurts to know.

But I am grateful that I know so much about myself that it's not hard to change. I am in fact more fun sober... I can actually speak normal sentences, rather than slur obscenities. I can actually pay attention to what people are saying. I can actually walk. Maybe the more sober controlled life is THE life. I hated the brought on hell, I really did. I just didn't see that there was a reason to walk out.