I fucked up again.

Not a good way to start my New Year.

I was the drunk joke again, and he was being a jerk.

I don't know what happened. My last memory was kissing Giovanni at midnight. Then I wake up around 4 am shivering, and I'm in my fucking car. I had the comforter on, but it was still cold. I check my phone and am beyond confused as to where I was or how I even got there, and had no idea where my keys were.

How the fuck do I get that drunk all the time? It's not like once in a while. It's every time I drink... I get so loaded I don't know how to walk or speak like a normal human being.

Then I start calling people to find out if they had my keys. He scolded me and made me feel even worse about myself, though I can't blame him considering he's the person I torment when I drink.

Bonnie and Damian ended up picking me up around 4:45. She always comes to the rescue. To top it off, we close up my car with the LIGHT on. I start crying more cause I figured my battery was gonna die. They calmed me down, and I started spilling all the awful things about the night, and my drinking problem.

I don't think I am an alcoholic by any means since I don't drink everyday, or need to drink everyday, and I never crave it, it's that I have noo control over it, or of myself once I have it.

I thought it was funny that I got so drunk, and now as I am getting older and growing up, I see how annoying it is, and what an awful bitch I become. I have this awful split personality when it comes to drinking.

With that, my New Year's Resolution is to find CONTROL.