In the last 2 weeks, I haven't had much to drink, and have been so clear headed. I really don't like who I am when I drink. I get insecure and on the defense and am this whole other person. I'm wild and say and think the craziest things. I hate it. I think I may be more crazy than I am fun when I am drunk.

It's such a sad though because I've spent so much time being intoxicated beyond recognition.

Saturday night was like a wake-up call. I only had like 3 shots, but felt myself get icky, and awkward. I was with Bebo, and I started all this nonsense out of my insecurity, where on Friday, I was totally sober, and I was confident, ok, enjoyed my time, enjoyed him, and enjoyed it all.

I don't know why I do that to myself.