Once, I wanted to be the greatest...

"...no wind or waterfall could stall me, then came the rush of the flood."

"...with brains that could explain any feeling."

I'm in a battle with myself. I hate not being able to be a compatible puzzle piece with everyone I want to be with. I know I can only be me, but sometimes I look at friends, or loves, and wonder why we can't just fit perfectly with one another. I sometimes wish we could have thoughts and feelings and opinions that just go together... Like my ideals and their ideals go hand in hand making it so we couldn't live without one another...

But the truth of the matter is, there's no one I CAN'T live without, and they surely could live without me as well. I guess I just want to know that I COULDN'T be lived without. You know? The way my family looks at me...

Or the way my mother thinks of me.

When I was 16, I was really sick. Not physically, but mentally, and it took it's toll on me physically. I was really sad and insecure and unhappy. Every morning she woke up in fear, and everytime she'd hear me move around in my room, she thanked God that I was alive and that she could go on. She loved me so much that my sickness scared her that much. Or when we'd fight, she'd be anxious to hear me wake in the morning because she was so scared I was going to end it, and if I ended it, I'd end it for her. My family loved me that much that they were almost paralyzed with fear of me leaving them.

Why can't people ever feel that for me? You know? Are we all that opposite from eachother?

I guess I'll have to keep going on in my days living for myself, because I can't happily change for people. I can change for them to fit their mold, but it wouldn't be real. And I'd be unhappy again...

I just have to accept the fact that I'm not the best at everything for everyone. Only for me...